The beginning

Today is the first day of college for me, and pretty much every other college student in the state. And as usual it has proven to be the awkward, people crazy, and rather boring day it tends to be. Every teacher is handing out the syllabus, course schedule for their class. And there is of course the dreaded, let do an activity were we make you all get to know each other. Honestly this forms of things are not what I enjoy doing. I like to get to know a person as the time passes and end up sitting by different people, and so learn their names chit chat, and we become buddies for the sake of the class; not by being forced to ask them if their favorite color is the same as mine, or to introduce them to the class.

Time shall amend all of these, but it makes the first day of class boring and slow, but soon things shall settle. I am however excited for a class that is later today. It is called animal behavior. Sounds like a rather interesting class personally, as well as an oceanography class that I shall be taking tomorrow. Though there is also a class that is 3 hours long that I have tomorrow as well. It is called Psychology and modern life. It sounds and has been recommended by my friend as a very interesting and fun class, though 3 hours in one class will be intense. Luckily it is only one day a week.

But enough about school, there is one thing that I am really excited about, I ordered a tablet and it is on its way :D. It is not one of those tablets like the ipad and such it is a Wacom Bamboo Pen and Touch it is meant for drawing essentially. At least that is my plan for it. I also have a job interview on Wednesday, this may sound odd but I am not exactly sure what it is I would do if I got the job XD. Someone I know put in a word at her work for them to call me to see if I was interested in a job and to set up an interview. So they essentially called me. I believe it will be working with mildly mentally disabled people and bringing them places or to activities in the community. May possibly be an interesting job. We'll see if I get, I am fine I think if I do or don't.

I think I shall bid this post adieu. I have emptied my brain of its current rambles I believe, and may have to go find myself some subway. Curse my friend for getting it and bringing it to lunch, the smell is intoxicating and enough to make you hungry even when you're not. But Guten Tag and see ya next ramble I suppose.

This is the end...

...Of one chapter and the beginning of another. Today is my last day at my current job. I believe I have spoke of it before. It is a year of service through AmeriCorps, and today is the end of that year. It seems amazing and odd that it has already been a year, since I started. I know it has changed me as a person I believe, all for the better I would hope. Though with this job did come the lack of time to be able to do some of my own personal passions. It was a busy year filled with triumphs and lots of challenges, but I can tell you that from this year there is a lot I will be taking away from it. I feel like I can handle a lot more, I know it has taught me a lot about responsibility, and getting things done and doing them well. It has taught me how many little things go into the planning of programs and activities. And it has taught me to appreciate those who take the time to so all the work to make these happen.

It has taught me about who I am and who I hope to be in the future, but also how to take a stand for myself, and that I don't always need to try and people please. In hopes of satisfying others and not causing a big blow up. And that I need to take time to be a bit selfish and satisfy my needs and wants.

This past year has been a great experience, but I am ready to move forward. I am going back to college on the 22nd. So I have a week to clean up things that I haven't had the time or energy to take care of for the past few weeks or so. I have a week to re-energize myself and to anticipate the highs and lows of going back to school. I am excited for the sheer fact of it being school and being able to see my friends. But with that comes the stressers of school work and that teacher that you will never like. And that quiz or test that you completely forgot about so now your winging it and hoping for at least a B. This is the life I enjoy, the life of a student, and a college student at that. So I must admit I am excited for the prospect of being able to be bit more on the lazy side, the only downside is I won't have a job for a bit and will become a poor college student again. XD

So I am excited for this change in life and honestly this next week is gonna be me sleeping and cleaning and organizing. Also I am hoping I may be able to get a tablet. One of the passions that has been ignored for a while is drawing. And I would love to be able to do some computer images. And actually be able to use my hand instead coloring line art with a mouse. Which there is a bit of detachment from creativity with that. Since you are limited and it just feels slightly wrong.

But this is all for now, I believe.
Until next time my fellow Ramblers!

Life

You know the AC has been cranked up too high, when your sitting in your office, and it is 85+ outside, drinking hot chocolate. But this has become a bit of a norm here at the office, there is no in between usually, either too cold or too warm.

I am excited! It is my birthday this coming weekend, and we are going down to the cities to see the King Tut exhibit and then going to the Minnesota Zoo. I love zoos, it is fun seeing all the different animals, you never see on a daily basis, whether they be locals or not.

This past weekend I got to go to a Lunkers game, which is a local Minor League Baseball Team I believe. It was fun to watch I had never been before.

I think this may be a rather short post, but oh well that's the way it goes sometimes. But I have 5 weeks left at my current job, and then I am free for a week and then get to go back to school. I am excited, I am so ready to go back to school, this job has been a great experience, but I miss school. I am not ready to jump into the life of a full-time job yet. Heck I am not even 20. I am not even sure what I want to do for the rest of my life. It will be nice going back to a routine I know well and being able to hang and see my friends more, and have a life outside of the office.

Also once I am done I won't have to deal with the Manager of a Youth Center as a volunteer. It is one of those situations where you like them as a person and dealing with them that way is awesome and fun, but when you have to work for them it just doesn't work. This person never asks you to do something, she tells you you are doing it and this past weekend, she switched weekends with me with out asking or telling me. I volunteer there, so technically I am not one of her employees, but isn't it common courtesy to ask the person to switch days with you, instead of scribbling your name out and putting their name down and moving you to another day on the schedule. That personally is my opinion, and my experience as the right thing to do.

It just really bugged me that she did that, luckily I don't have to work though, because we had plans and I told her that I simply can't work that day, since I wasn't supposed to in the first place and had already made plans with family. Maybe she will learn to ask next time.

But that's all for now I think so I am out, look for my next ramble.

Trying to Focus

My focus for work today has officially been shot I think. I can't focus on what I need to do and it just sucks. This is mostly due to the fact that the weather is finally swimming weather and though I went yesterday I wanna go again! Especially since it's not only hot outside it is so dang muggy. It also doesn't help that I believe I bruised my right lower ribs. How? I have absolutely no clue. All I know is yesterday during practice for a community band I couldn't play half the time, because I wasn't able to get enough air in and it hurt when I tried to play. It sucks so much, especially when I am trying to sit. I can't slouch otherwise it gets stiff and sore and sitting up straight is fine except my office chair doesn't have a lot of support for that and my back grows tired after sitting like this for a few hours. But the worst part is it really fricken hurts and my ribs are stiff, because I am trying to keep the movement to that area to a minimum.

Breathing also kind of sucks since the muscles are all tense around it and I can only take shallow breaths to avoid the pain. I just hope this doesn't last too long, and heals soon. I can't imagine it is too bad, since I haven't fallen and nothing has hit me in the ribs.

On the upside, I finally got to go swimming yesterday and I got a tan! Though a few spots are almost burned and slightly tender, but that usually happens when I get my first sun of the year. I hate having the winter pale when it's summer.

Well my break has finished so I shall be trying to get back to work now. Hopefully this little post of ramblings and me whining will help.

Need to Restart

I need to restart doing things I love to do. I am becoming a lazy bum who works too much. My life has become ruled by a computer. I sit about 8 hours in my office, working. Answering emails, writing reports, writing up schedules and plans for activities and another day camp. Day Camp, that sounds like fun right? Well the day of it is, I actually get to get out of this darned four walled, paper filled cage, and do something outside. But until then I am pretty stuck inside. This has turned me into a pretty lazy person I have discovered. You know they say a body in motion stays in motion, well it seems that works the other way too, a body not in motion, continues to not move. My job may not be physically demanding or draining, but mentally I am usually wiped at the end of the day. And so by the time I get home I just want to lunge around, and at night usually get back on that cursed computer to talk to friends.

For the past year this has become my life, luckily this job is a one year thing and I shall be going back to school this fall. But stagnancy does not work for me, I can not do basically the same thing everyday, I need change, I need variety! A routine is fine yes, but even in that there is usually some small thing that is different everyday. I need to get my butt up and start doing things I love again. I took a Yoga class in school for a gym credit, that was amazing, but I haven't done any since school got it. There is one thing I need to start doing again. Rollerblading I haven't done that in years, need to do that. Crocheting, I have a blanket I started a year and a half ago, it hasn't gotten any farther since then. Drawing, I used to draw lots, now I never do, time and laziness has stopped me.

I am just simply tired, worn out, and ready for change, ready for people my age and at a similar maturity level. I've discovered with this job, that I will never be a teacher when I am older, I just can't handle the lack of maturity of kids sometimes on a daily basis. Through this entire year, I have not met one new person that was my age, all were younger or older.

So what is on my list of to-dos? Change things need to change above all. Rollerblades, luckily my birthday is coming up so I can get some as a present, finish that cursed blanket, start doing yoga again, and start drawing again.

Luckily this long-needed change has already begun on its own. Reading was something I lost the time to do with my first year of college and then this full-time job, but I've slowly managed to work that aspect back into my life and I am so glad I have. Roleplaying has always been a bit of passion for me. I had the worst case of writers block for almost a month. There was an amazing rp that I was in that died, and inspiration disappeared, I think because I was still in the mode to continue that rp. But now I've found a new one that shall be interesting and is difference, but it shall also present me with a challenge. The literacy level is a bit higher than I usually take part in and I hope I will be able to overcome this challenge and it will just make my writing better.

Summer has also finally come, our world has been shrouded in clouds recently, first the long season of winter, and then all this cool weather and rain this spring, we finally have a day where the sun is partially peaking out and my mood has increased greatly.

So things are slowly changing, thankfully, but I still want it to come sooner. And I just am excited to get back to being me. I am a student at heart, school is something I've always liked, and taking this year off has fully shown me that truth, and these next two months of this job seem like it is such a long time, but at the same so little. And though I am ready to move on there are still things I need to accomplish before this job has finished.

Dull Moments

Well the past few weeks have been pretty dull around here; I don't know if it is due to the grey clouds and not so pleasant weather as of late or what, but my life has pretty much been nothing but work, school, and homework. Sounds pretty invigorating don't it XP. It has also been a classic Monday so far too, nothing important or urgent needs to get done, nothing surprising or amazing has happened, it has just simply been Monday.

I can't say I can complain, nothing horrible has happened, but things have been rather boring and well when nothing is happening and the only good thing is that nothing horrible has happened, that also means that nothing really good is happening. Though I suppose I can't rule out 2 things that have happened that are pretty awesome, they have provided a bit of excitement in these past grey winter days. First I get to go to Florida this spring to go see my aunt and uncle so that will be awesome and I can't wait to get a nice early tan from that trip. Secondly my friend got a 3 month old pug over the weekend and he is pretty dang cute. Despite all the snorting noises he makes, and the fact that pugs were deliberately bred to be incapable of surviving without humans XD.

It is also getting to that point in winter where I am restless and tired of the same everyday routine, I wanna either go do something exciting and fun or stay home and do nothing. I am probably making winter sound like the worst season in the world, which it isn't, it's awesome for the first month or so; but once you reach the second half it turns more to ice and you start getting pretty tired of skating around the roads in your car. I'd say the roads are the worst part of winter, this winter especially, all back roads have been nothing but ice, which makes driving so stressful and annoying. I am so ready for nice clear roads where I don't have to worry about sliding into the middle of traffic or sliding into another car or ditch as I make a turn to get to work. Monotone weather just messes everything up, especially when there's ice involved.

Well this is my little rant for now I think, it has been a while since I last posted, but like I said there really has not been a lot to report about lately.
So see you next rambling :D

Ramble

So life is going well I'd say for now. School has started again, so my level of busy-ness has risen a bit. Only have two classes, but with a full-time job, where you work late makes it hard to find time for homework without staying up at all hours of the night. But the classes are interesting so that helps.

My online addiction is finally back up, it is called Wolf-Haven, it got hacked about a month ago so it has been down since then until this past weekend. Basically what you do is you have a wolf character and you work to level your character on a map where you hunt and you get xp for having a successful hunt. You can also join packs and find a mate, which if you do they help in attacks. It's really a fun game and well made. So my boredom is filled with leveling on that site, so when it disappeared I didn't know what to do with myself XD.

Not a lot is going on in my life or really has happened, so not totally sure how long this post is going to be...But from my last post I told you about my friend situation and all communication has pretty much been severed with him, I talked to him a little bit after that fateful text mainly to try and understand everything, (it annoys me when I don't), and after that things have been left to silence.

This week my energy level has officially plummeted, I am getting enough week, but my low back has decided to hate me so that makes things difficult. But this is really all i have for now so see ya next post :D
Click to Check out Wolf-Haven

It's over

It's done, finished, the end, never going to be the same again. In my last post I talked about the friend of mine that had changed and we had a fight and the whole situation surrounding it. Well that little tiny flame of hope that everything was going to be fixed and we could go back to being chums like we've always been has been officially snuffed out by one simple text. My other friend had already said her goodbye to him, but I still held some hope that he would come back. Like I said I am stubborn and I dislike giving up, especially on people that I care about. So I finally asked the question of whether our friendship was really going to end like this. His response was longer than a simple yes, but to summarize his answer: Yes I am going to let our friendship end this way.

At that point it thoroughly hit me that it's over, he's never coming back. This pain is similar to loosing someone to the grips of death, yet is different in the fact that I don't fully understand. Why he would give up on something like this so easily? There is also the fact that I know right now he is down in the cities doing his own thing and I fear that the pain I feel, he does not.

As before the saying "the world goes round" pops into my head and I realize I need to move on from this, which sadly is both hard, but easier than it should be; though I still am unable to read his final text again yet.

I guess at this point I just need to say my goodbyes and let go.

Where does it go?

It has been a while since I posted anything on here, but i suppose that happens when your busy and a cold puts you down for the count for about a week; damn cold season. But besides that Christmas was good, got to hang with family, received more than enough presents and one of my cousins got engaged so that is exciting.

Life though has somewhat of a different plan I suppose, everything was fairly good and then a friend that moved to the cities about a year ago, proved how much a person can change in a year and not for the good. He used to be our best friend, (we have a little gang of friends and we are all very close), and when he first moved down he still stayed in contact every so often even if he was just on messenger for an hour or so. But as time progressed his absence became bigger and his reliability of coming up to visit dwindled. Even when he was up here his presence was almost none existent, we'd hang, but he was always texting someone from the cities or talking about some game that he played with other friends now. Well things grew and he became busy and his presence disappeared. It became blatantly obvious something was up and he realized sent an explanation of how busy he was why he wasn't always able to come when he said he could and I gave him the understanding he needed, cause as we all know shit happens. He asked how he could make things better with us and he seemed like he really wanted to. And the simplest thing he needed to do was to simply work on his communication and talk to us. Which simply could have been getting on messenger even for just an hour once a week would make a difference. But this simple task apparently has proven to be too hard for him.

He came up for us to meet his new boyfriend and things blew up from there, what he promised to be almost a whole day of hanging with him was turning into an hour at a coffee shop, which than got pushed to nothing, because of some stupid excuse that came up. We had finally had enough and the fight took place. We explained what we were upset with, and he still didn't seem to understand. He has yet to talk to us after that and that fact right there proves how much he has changed, if this happened even 6 months ago, he would have showed up at our friends house where we were hanging out to talk to us and explain what was wrong or at least have texted us or called us to talk about it by now. You never realize how much a person can change until they do and the sad part is I am not even that upset at loosing him, a part of me is still hoping he will show up and talk about it, and another part realizes that the person that was my friend disappeared a while ago and it is only the vessel that held that person that I am loosing.

This happened about a week ago and has been followed by my bank account dwindling from 150 bucks to 15 due to one book I needed for school and my laptop battery has officially died which means i need to spend 150 bucks to replace it. The only silver lining currently is the fact that everything else is going good, this fight has brought the rest of us closer, i get to get a better battery, and i appreciate it that this happens all at once, instead of being dragged out for months on end.

So this is what has happened in my life most recently, there really is not a whole lot left to say, so Guten Tag and I'll post whenever.